I Am the River

"Pam, you ARE the river," said my life coach Paulette Rees-Denis . She was helping me navigate the tricky waters of my exit plan from being a factory worker to becoming a full-time creative entrepreneur. We were talking about being the flow of one's life.

"I wanna stay in the flow of the river," I had said to her.

She threw back at me, "YOU ARE THE RIVER ," with such ferocity that it stopped up all of my words. For me to lose my words is no small feat for I am about as wordy of a woman as you will ever find.

I was thinking about her words again last night as I feel all kinds of restless energy twirling around inside of me. I have writing projects I'm gonna dive into next month. I feel some shifts heading my way that though I can feel them I cannot yet discern what these shifts might be or look like. I got that Better-Buckle-Up kinda feeling. And all of this makes me think about rivers and how they flow as they do.

Rivers don't ask permission. They don't pause and consult with the land about where their water should flow. The river flows where the river will flow and as it does, it sculpts the land. The very geography and shape of land is transformed by the life force of how a river flows.

Rivers don't ask permission.

It has been my experience time and time again that when I live and move in my flow that there are sometimes seasons of gentle movement and there are times of swift running waters. Leaving my factory job was a dramatic decision that has resulted in a significant transformation of my inner and outer life. Every rhythm of my life was impacted and changed. Relationships, livelihood, the way I structure and live daily life and manage my time, energy and resources. Everything has been impacted by allowing the flow of that decision to leave the factory and flow into a new direction of being a full-time artist.

I'm feeling that level of inner tension again. But for what I do not yet know. I don't know where my flow is taking me next.

And I don't know who with. As a highly creative, expressive woman who is single and independent, I think about attracting a life partner, someone to share all the things with. My life is good. It is so good. I am deeply fulfilled in all that I do. I feel excitement and unfettered gratitude for how things transpire for me. At times I fret that the wilderness of who I am intimidates potential suitors. But then I come back around to the beautiful truth that is opposite of this fear : it is the very wild river that I am which will attract.

As the year comes to a close, I am reflecting on much, on looking back and on looking ahead. I am clear about next steps with my writing projects. I am unclear about other matters yet such are the cycles of life. Sometimes the road we are on is flat and we can see for miles and miles. Other times we are in the thick of the woods and can barely see around the next bend, and yet the flow of the road like a river just keeps leading us onward to where we are meant to be.

As I begin to shift my focus from the daily practice of art making to a daily discipline of writing intended to be published, I will be revitalizing this dusty blog. If you are a subscriber, thanks for tagging along. If you do not wish to receive blog updates from me, I wish you well as you unsubscribe.

-Pam